Our popular California columnist shares unfortunate observations about celebrities behaving badly.
Last month, I went out to dinner with Adele Luskin. What with her bursitis, cataracts and shingles, she doesn’t get out much, but she’d do anything to get away from Phyllis, her nudnik of a schnur.
To the West Valley Olive Garden she drove us. Such a nice one, too — not so many Italians — and the breadsticks are to die for. About four dozen between us we stashed in our purses.
Five o’clock rolls around, and we’re waiting for our meal, when in walks that zhlubby-looking actor, whose name I can’t remember, with Nobody Famous. They sit down two booths from us. He was in that TV show with the wife who was in the cockamamy cult with Tom Cruise and John Travolta, but she (Leah Remini) got out of it, and later he was the mall cop (Kevin James).
So the waitress comes to their table and recites the Olive Garden spiel. Then to Kevin James she says, “Do you have any questions?” And he tears into her like a beggar on a blintz. “You do not speak directly to me!” He yelled. “You speak to my personal assistant! You are not to look me in the eye!” And on and on.
Such a shtuss he made that the poor girl ran off in tears. The big shtunk! I wanted to jump up and shove a sharopnikel in his grauber pisk, but I couldn’t find even a breadstick — so deep they were buried in my purse.
Later, at the beauty parlor, when I told Gigi the story, she shrugged and said, “Old news. He’s known as one of the biggest shmucks in Hollywood.”
She went on to say that even worse than Kevin James are Christian Bale (arrested for yelling at his family on a press tour), Justin Bieber (caught on video spitting on his fans from a balcony), and Jerry Seinfeld, who slammed his eggs on a hotel concierge’s desk and demanded they be cooked again.
And in her neighborhood, Meryl Streep is known as The Nasty Lady for always cutting in line at the grocery store and being a major oysvorf.